X Therapy
by Leareth
Chapter One - "Make Yourselves Comfortable"
Fifteen chairs sat arranged in a loose circle inside a large office suite. In one of the chairs, a hard-working woman in business suit and glasses was scribbling intently on her very large and thick notepad:
Reasons NOT to kill Kaichou:
1. He's gorgeous
2. He agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend at next family dinner
3. Big cheque. Enough said.
Reasons TO kill Kaichou:
1. Keep my sanity
She hesitated, perhaps wondering what else to put. Her introspection was interrupted as the buzzer on the wall rang. Very loud, very shrill, very annoying. Most unwelcome.
"Doctor."
The Therapist (for that's what she was) sighed and pressed the button on the intercom. "Yes?"
"You asked me to call you when the three o'clock group session arrived. They're here now."
"All of them?"
"All fourteen of them, yes."
The Therapist sighed again. "I'll be right there."
"Hai. I'll get your coffee and aspirin ready when you finish."
She cut the connection, took several deep breaths, then settled herself into a prim and proper position and prepared to wait.
She didn't have to wait very long.
The door opened with a click, and fourteen people made their way into the room. For some strange reason the click of the door sounded like the loading of a weapon pointed to her head. She took one look at the group before her, and decided that 'Kill Kaichou' was rapidly taking precedence over 'Don't Kill Kaichou'.
She scanned the people as they entered, fitting faces to names. They looked normal. But according to the files Kaichou had sent, most of them were far from it. Any illusion she may have had about an easy session rapidly disappeared as she observed their behaviour upon entering.
"Will you please stop shoving?!"
"Why the hell do we have to see a shrink? I'm perfectly normal!"
"Let's not dignify that statement with a comment."
"This so sucks."
"Shouldn't he be the one getting counselling?"
The Therapist waited until everyone was inside then made her presence known.
"Ahem."
The fourteen people stopped as they realised that there was someone in the room. The Therapist smiled a positive smile at a not so positive start as she waved to the chairs situated in a circle around her seat, and wondered what her cat was doing.
"Good afternoon."
Blank and wary stares. She smiled fakely.
"I'm your Therapist," she continued. "Will everyone sit down please."
No one made a move to the chairs.
The Therapist sighed. You know what they say – if you don't succeed at first, try until you do.
"Please. Sit." Her words were emphasized and authority practically dripped from each. It was a talent she had cultivated for years.
All those years paid off. A genki young man – Sorata, if she remembered correctly, immediately pulled a chair out for the girl – Arashi, next to him. The girl, a beauty with long enviably perfect hair, ignored him and got her own chair. The puppy dog look in the young man's eyes was pathetic. Another I-like-her-but-she-doesn't-like-me case ... the Therapist rolled her eyes as she scribbled her first impression down on her pad.
On the other side of the room, a young girl whom she identified as Yuzuriha, pulled a chair out to make space, sat down, patted the empty air about a foot off the ground, and began to swing her legs like a five-year old. A big beefy man sat in the chair next to her. They exchanged a gentle smile and the Therapist blinked. The man – Kusanagi, could've been the girl's father, but she was pretty sure they were flirting. Not the bat-your-eyelashes-and-suck-the-drink-bottles type of flirt, but a real heart-to-heart-falling-in-love type. She wondered if she still had her aspirins in her cabinet.
On her pad she scribbled 'possible love or pedophile??', and as an after thought, she scribbled 'Check Aspirin Bottle'.
Meanwhile, a short boy with violet eyes slowly made his way to a chair in the corner. Now this name she didn't have to work at. Kamui really was quite pretty, though from his posture he seemed ready to bolt at the slightest threat. Kaichou had warned her about him, and also warned her not to let him and someone called 'Fuuma' get within two meters of each other.
Kamui gingerly sat down then immediately got up again. A tall young man with an evil smirk had been making a beeline for the seat next to him. The Therapist ran her eyes over the newcomer, obviously the 'Fuuma' Kaichou had told her about. The young man was a handsome fellow, though she didn't like the evil smirk he was wearing. She scribbled, 'serial killer type' next to a stick figure with broom-like hair.
Another pair sat themselves down next to each other. Two adults, Seiichiro and Karen – the Therapist wondered what they were doing with a bunch of kids. Seiichiro smiled amiably at her and she smiled back. The smile fell when she took a good look at Karen. All right, she had no chance. What could she do against a fiery-haired vixen who wore lacy lingerie under her high-slitted and low-cut dress to display a very perfect and full figure?
Damn it, all the good men were taken. Or gay, the Therapist thought as she scrutinsed the next pair, doodling on her paper. A man dressed in black sat in his chair, searching the room from behind his dark sunglasses. His gaze alighted on a slim young man with a bandage over his eye. The young man passed within arms reach of the man with the sunglasses, and before the Therapist could blink, was grabbed around the waist and pulled spluttering into the other man's lap.
"Hey, let me go!" the young man with the bandage yelped.
"Aw, but Subaru-kun, I thought you enjoyed yourself with the ribbons-" The man with the sunglasses was cut off as 'Subaru-kun' jabbed an elbow into his chest.
The Therapist opened her mouth to speak. The man removed his sunglasses and smiled pleasantly at her, as if daring her to do something. She took one look at the mismatched pair of eyes, gulped, and remembered Kaichou's warning about Seishirou. Undoubtedly there was a very good reason why Kaichou had told her to be careful, the Therapist thought, scribbling absently on her pad, and also undoubtedly, she would find out why soon enough.
She sighed and decided to ignore the way Kamui was getting chased around the room by Fuuma with the evil smirk, and the fact that Seishirou was holding his catch down by putting his hands on places that made her turn red and Subaru breathe in sharply. She also refrained from writing anything on her notepad, a most remarkable achievement for her.
Besides, there were others still to come. The Therapist eyed a blond man who looked as if he was a model, or in showbiz. She flipped through her notes – Yuuto was his name. Unfortunately, he was taken too. A girl, Satsuki, dressed in tight black with a laptop and a scowl sat beside the blond hanging onto his arm. Seeing the way the Therapist was looking at the man beside her, the girl glared daggers through her glasses.
The Therapist flinched, then sketched a stick figure holding a computer and wrote 'SATSUKI IS EVIL' in big letters beside it on her notepad.
The last two people were an interesting pair. One of them had white hair and she couldn't quite figure out whether the person was male or female. 'Find out quick b4 u make a fool of yourself', she scribbled in the margin of her paper. The other was a young man with long pale-blond hair in a wheelchair. Nataku and Kakyou, she mentally noted. She took one look at Kakyou's lethargic expression and diagnosed, 'Depression. MAJOR depression.'
With a sudden thought, she glanced down at her notepad as everyone finally settled themselves into chairs. Already five pages had been taken up with various sketches, notes, thoughts and profiles. Taking up the most space, however, was a large banner declaiming, 'KAICHOU MUST PAY'.
Yep, by just looking at the group of nutcases before her, the Therapist finally decided that 'Kill Kaichou' had more advantages than 'Don't kill Kaichou.'
She sighed, then steeled herself. Pasting a practised smile on her face, she looked and prepared to start. The smile fell from her face. Everyone had made themselves comfortable except for Nataku, who stood in the middle of the circle looking piteously confused.
"Where do I sit?" asked the man/woman. The Therapist chewed her teeth as she tried to figure out just what gender the person was.
Everyone looked around and realised that there were two empty chairs. One was beside Kamui. The other was empty because one chair had two people on it.
"God damnit, can you please give me a break?!" Subaru said in exasperation. Seishirou squeezed him. The Therapist averted her eyes.
Nataku looked from one chair to the other, obviously not knowing which to choose. The Therapist smiled even more fakely. "You may take any of those seats," she said. "It's your decision."
The person blinked. "Decision? What's that?"
The Therapist could feel a sweatdrop forming on her head. "Picking the seat you want to sit on," she said patiently.
Fuuma stood up. "You can take this seat, Kazuki. I'll take that one." A leer appeared on his face at the free chair next to Kamui.
"Meep," was the only answer from Kamui.
Concentrating on one problem at a time, the Therapist ignored Kamui and Fuuma's interaction. "Kazuki? Who is Kazuki?"
"I am Kazuki," uttered Nataku.
She could feel the headache coming, "I thought your name is 'Nataku'." Where were the aspirins when she needed them?
"I am Kazuki."
If there was one thing she had learned through her life as a Therapist, it was that you never contradict a person who is mentally unstable. "Of course, but I'll have to see you privately later," she said smoothly with a smile on her face. "There are some things in group therapy that shouldn't be discussed." She wrote down in her pad 'Nataku 3:30 wed' and an arrow pointed to 'Dissociative disorder' that was underlined a few times.
Great, now on top of weird relationship problems, now she had a schizophrenic to deal with.
The Therapist gave everyone her plastic smile. "All right then, does everyone have a chair?"
"No." Subaru twisted around and gave Seishirou a look that promised grievous bodily harm. The Therapist decided that now was a good time to apply the 'Ignore it and it will go away' rule.
Nataku walked over to Fuuma's vacated chair. Fuuma in the meantime moved over to the chair next to Kamui and sat down with a smile that promised unmentionable things at the flustered youth. Kamui immediately reacted to Fuuma's proximity by getting up and moving to the other seat, which left the seat next to Yuuto free. Satsuki looked up from her laptop, got up to take that chair and give Yuuto a smouldering look that left Yuuto rather flustered. The Therapist absently wondered what the look implied, but looking back to her 'SATSUKI IS EVIL' note, she decided there were some things one did not want to know. Another person got up to take Satsuki's seat and soon the room erupted into a series of madcap activity as people rushed around to move from people they didn't like to those they liked, or at least didn't mind, in a weird parody of musical chairs.
With a voice that was full of patience she didn't feel and wasn't likely to feel any time soon, the Therapist raised her voice and said to the general occupants of the room, "Can everyone please take a seat?"
Everyone in the room looked at her, some with sheepish looks, and others with pleading looks and some with amusement and disinterest. She ignored all of them and gave all of them a pointed look. Surprisingly, everyone obeyed. She closed her eyes, trying to drive away the headache that was forming. She couldn't shut her ears, however.
"Kamui, come sit here. I don't bite - unless you want me to."
"BEAST was wondering what sex would be like with a man."
"Sei-shi-rou-SAN!"
"Over here, Miss!"
"Want to get some ice-cream afterwards?"
"But red ribbons are so nice ..."
"Er, BEAST? Uh, ha ha ha, very funny." Pause. "You were joking, right?"
"Do you think this dress is too conservative?"
"Get AWAY from me!!"
"Ice-cream sounds good!"
A bag of vipers, or maybe scorpions and spiders would be a good present for Kaichou right now.
"This so sucks ..."
"Yuuto-san? Yuuto-san! Are you ok?"
"That dress looks very er ... nice."
"Don't you DARE touch me THERE!"
"Can we go home now?"
SNAP!
Everyone looked up at the Therapist. She smiled at them. It was a rather strange expression considering she held a broken pen in her writing hand and was glowing a nice angry red.
"Has everyone settled down?" the Therapist asked, voice dripping sugar.
Everyone found their seats rather quickly.
In the end they were all seated in a circle. Kusanagi and Yuzuriha sat the farthest away from her looking at each other shyly. Beside Yuzuriha sat Subaru, followed by Seishirou, who continued to whisper things into Subaru's ears that made Subaru blush. She tried not to listen as comments about ribbons, ice-cream, and chocolate sauce drifted over to her. Fuuma sat beside Seishirou on her right. Kamui was on her left. She felt like she was sitting in Ground Zero between two nuclear weapons. Beside Kamui sat an amused Karen, and Seiichiro looked pleasant as always. Arashi looked indifferent next to a happy Sorata who had finally got the seat with his 'beloved'. Beside him sat Yuuto who looked rather pale; Satsuki on his left wore a little pout. Nataku was beside her with a confused expression, wondering what he/she was doing here. The Therapist fully understood the sentiment. The circle began again with Kakyou next to Kusanagi, and everyone was ready.
"Finally," the Therapist said, fighting the urge to rub her head. Instead, she dug into her pocket for a new pen. "Welcome to therapy, everyone."
"Aw, shut the welcomes," drawled Fuuma. "None of us want to be here."
She ignored him, but wrote, 'Fuuma = Psycho' on her paper. "Kaichou has paid for everything," she continued. "He said that he wants everyone, and I quote, 'to resolve as many personal matters as possible before The Day.'" She looked up questioningly. "Can someone tell me what 'The Day' is?"
No one answered her. The Therapist gritted her teeth. So this group was close-mouthed as well as weird. Kaichou had better add another zero to her check.
"I suppose it's nothing very important," she said at last, letting the matter go. "Well then. Let's start shall we?" She glanced at the fourteen blank faces before her. "In a group session, the best way to start is for everyone to introduce themselves. Unless you all know each other already?"
"I don't," replied Kusanagi, looking at everyone except Yuzuriha.
A murmured chorus of agreements came from around the circle. The Therapist smiled a bit more genuinely. At last, back to the program.
"All right then," she said, sitting up a bit straighter. "We'll go around in a circle, and everyone will state their name and a little bit about themselves. Preferably something related to you being here today."
The fourteen pairs of eyes were beginning to look warily around the room. She ignored them. "So who wants to start?"
Quite predictably, no one raised their hands. The Therapist sighed. "I'll pick someone then," she said. Absently wondering what she was going to have for dinner, she pointed at Arashi.
The girl looked at her. "You wish for me to begin?" she asked.
The Therapist nodded as she wondered who the girl's hair-dresser was.
"Very well," Arashi said. "I am Arashi Kishuu, a Priestess of Ise, and a student at the CLAMP Academy."
"That's nice. Can you tell us something more personal about yourself?" asked the Therapist.
Arashi's eyes widened. "Personal?" she repeated.
"Yeah!" the young man beside her cut in. "C'mon, Miss, tell us something!"
Without looking, Arashi hit him.
"OW!"
The Therapist decided to leave Arashi alone. Instead, she wrote, 'Introvert, no sense of humor. Scared of human contact?' on her pad.
"Maybe we'll come back to you," she said, watching as the floored man climbed back into his seat. "Let's move on shall we? Your turn."
The young man grinned. "Hiyas all!" he said enthusiastically. "I'm Sorata Arisugawa, the handsome priest from Mount Koya. I'm Kansai, I go to the CLAMP Academy, and if we survive, I'm going to marry Miss Arashi!"
Everyone sweatdropped. Arashi's expression didn't change, but she stood up and hit Sorata on the head.
"OW!!"
'They fight like they're married,' the Therapist noted as Sorata climbed groggily into his seat. She looked up at Yuuto, who was next, and nodded.
The man smiled congenially. "Good afternoon, everyone. Yuuto Kigai here. I'm an ordinary public official who works in the local ward office. I'm very pleased to meet everyone, especially the lovely ladies." He gave a nod towards Karen, who smiled charmingly. Satsuki on the other hand, scowled.
"A pleasure to meet you, Yuuto-san," said the Therapist. Finally, someone who was even remotely normal. Not for the first time, she wondered how a guy like Yuuto ended up having Satsuki latched to his arm.
Speaking of Satsuki, the girl was next.
"I'm Satsuki Yatouji," she said, staring moodily through her glasses. She stroked the laptop on her lap. "I like computers. I don't like people, but I like Yuuto-san. Right now I'm trying to get Yuuto-san and BEAST together so I can have both of them at once."
Yuuto, the Therapist noticed, had gone pale. She wondered who or what 'BEAST' was.
"Ah, thank you very much, Satsuki-san," the Therapist said since she couldn't express her true sentiments that were made clearly on her pad. 'PSYCHOOOOO' she scribbled in big letters next to a bespectacled stick figure of a girl. "Next!"
She looked at Nataku. Nataku looked back.
"Yes?" the person asked.
The Therapist nodded. "I said next."
"I don't understand."
The Therapist blinked. "It means it's your turn to introduce yourself."
"Introduce myself?"
"Yes," the Therapist said with infinite strained patience. "Tell us who you are."
Nataku blinked slowly. "I ... I am Kazuki."
The Therapist frowned. "I have you written down as Nataku."
"I am Kazuki. I want my daddy."
Nataku – if that's what the person's name was, a good sign of schizophrenia was when the person referred to themselves by more than one name – was looking straight at Fuuma when it said 'Daddy'. Sneaking a glance at the darkly smirking young man, the Therapist shuddered. She decided she did NOT want to know.
"Okay then, Nataku, Kazuki, whatever. Let's move on."
She looked pointedly at the form in the wheelchair. The curtain of long pale blond hair shivered as Kakyou raised his head.
"Kakyou Kizuki. I'm a Dreamer. Ever since I was shot trying to escape I've been in a coma for nine years. My girlfriend is dead and all I wait for now in life is for him to kill me." He lifted a finger and pointed at Fuuma, then let his head flop down.
The Therapist looked at Fuuma, then at Kakyou. "You want him to kill you??" she squeaked.
A soft snore was her only reply. The Therapist shook her head. The young man was worse than she thought. 'Death wish, depression, needs serious counselling,' she scribbled down.
"Since Kakyou-san has fallen back asleep, we'll go to you, Yuzuriha-san," she said, adjusting her glasses. She wondered if she had remembered to set the VCR on to tape her favorite soapie that evening.
The girl jumped. "Me?" she squeaked. "Uh, ok." She smiled chirpily and waved.
"Hi all! My name is Yuzuriha Nekoi, and I'm from the Mitsumine Shrine. I'm fourteen years old, I go to the CLAMP Academy, and my best friend is Inuki."
"Inuki?" asked the Therapist.
"My inugami," replied Yuzuriha. She pointed at the empty carpet in front of her. "He's sitting there."
The Therapist looked. She saw carpet. She looked at Yuzuriha, smiling away. She forced herself to smile patiently. "Ah yes ... um, well, let's continue around the circle. Next?" She wrote down, 'Yuzu has an invisible friend. Child insecurities?'
The next person happened to be Kusanagi. "Uh, hi." For someone so muscular he sure was shy. "Uh ... I'm Kusanagi Shiyu, in the JSDF." He closed his mouth.
"Can you tell us anything about yourself, Kusanagi-san?" the Therapist pressed.
"Uh ..." The man looked furtively about. When he saw Yuzuriha smiling at him, he took a deep breath. "Uh ... I like plants, and uh, ice-cream, and uh ..."
Everyone waited.
"That's all I can think of," the man said weakly.
'Self-confidence problem,' the Therapist wrote down. Seeing it was futile to press Kusanagi any further, she went on.
"Your turn," she said, pointing at Subaru.
The young man looked at her with his good eye. "Subaru Sumeragi," he said shortly. "Thirteenth head of the Sumeragi clan. I'm an onmyouji, my life is completely screwed up, I used to have a sister, and I hate him." He thumbed at the man seated on his left to make his point.
The Therapist looked at the Seishirou who was smirking. She looked back at Subaru. She thought back to their behaviour during musical chairs and chewed her lip and wrote, 'Love/hate relationship. Twisted is the understatement of the century.' "Ri-ight, she said instead. She pointed her pen at Seishirou. "And you?"
Seishirou smiled. The Therapist shuddered. She decided that this man wasn't the person you'd like to meet on a dark street. "Good afternoon. My name is Seishirou Sakurazuka," he said with a slight bow of his head. "I'm the Sakurazukamori, and I used to be a veterinarian some years ago. My few favorite things in life are sakura blossoms, blood and Subaru-kun. If I could have all three at once I would be very happy."
No one spoke, though the Therapist noted that most of the group unconsciously moved their chairs away from Seishirou. She did too, and wondered what the 'Sakurazukamori' was. Seeing what the man was like, she decided it was another bit of information she did not want to know. 'Seishirou, one word,' she wrote on her pad. 'OBSESSED.'
"You, feel happiness?" Subaru laughed humorlessly. "I'll believe it when I see it."
"You don't believe me? I'll prove it," said Seishirou. Quick as a flash he grabbed Subaru around the waist and pulled him onto his lap again. The young man yelped breathlessly and squirmed. Seishirou smiled more, resting his chin on Subaru's shoulder. "You're making me feel better now," he murmured.
"Moving ON!" the Therapist cut in. Kaichou may be a manipulative rich-boy but if he had warned her about Seishirou, then she wasn't going to interfere with the man's playing. She stabbed her pen at Fuuma. "You. Your turn."
The young man seated beside her smiled a smile every bit as scary as Seishirou's. "I don't think I need to introduce myself," he said softly, looking at everyone in the room."
The Therapist frowned. "But everyone has to introduce themselves. Just a little bit will do."
"Oh all right," said Fuuma. "If you insist." Stretching out on the chair, the young man waved at everyone. "Hello. I'm the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth. I'm going to kill you all."
Everyone's chairs moved backwards again.
"Well, not everyone," amended Fuuma. "I'll save Kamui to have some fun."
Kamui's chair scooted as far away as possible. The Therapist sweatdropped. She decided to get off Fuuma ASAP. "Yes, well ... you go now," she said quickly, looking at Kamui.
The boy looked as if she had handed him a sword and asked him to stab someone. "Uh ..." He mumbled something under his breath that the Therapist couldn't hear.
"Speak up please."
Kamui looked at her pitifully. "I'm Kamui Shiro and I wish I wasn't. Because I'm Kamui, my aunts were chopped to pieces, my mother burned to death, my uncle was murdered, my girlfriend decapitated, my best friend turned into a sadistic bastard, Subaru lost his right eye, Daisuke lost his head, and the world is going to be destroyed. To put it simply, my life sucks."
No one except the Therapist displayed any surprise to this. She stared at the Kamui. He looked at her.
"Hey, you asked for it."
She blinked. "Uh, yeah." Her hand took on a life of its own and soon three pages were filled with, 'ANGST ANGST ANGST BAD CHILDHOOD NEEDS SERIOUS TREATMENT DELUSIONAL FIXATION WITH DEATH PESSIMIST DEPRESSION POSSIBLY SUICIDAL' and the like. As an afterthought, she added, 'Cross-reference: Shinji Ikari.'
"Well, Kamui, I'm sure everything will be all right," she said aloud. 'No way, this kid is screwed,' she wrote. She glanced at the next client, the woman in the revealing dress. "Please, do begin."
The woman smiled a dazzling smile. "Hi," she said in a sultry voice, "I'm Karen Kasumi and I'll be your Soapland hostess this evening. Your wish is my command, gentlemen – but don't ask too much. Playing with fire is a dangerous hobby." She laughed lightly. "That's my usual introduction."
The Therapist's pen went SNAP again.
"Where's your Soapland, Karen-san?" asked Yuuto, a gleam in his eye.
"Hey!" Satsuki pulled on his coat-sleeve.
Karen's eyes fluttered winningly. "I'll give you my card." She reached up and put her hand in a place that made the men nosebleed. The straight men anyway – Seishirou and Subaru were rather distracted. The Therapist fanned herself and pulled another pen out of her pocket.
"MO-VING-ON!" she said a little too loudly. Finally, the last person. "You, sir, will you please introduce yourself?"
"Me?" the man with the glasses said, wiping his nose with a hanky. "Oh yeah, um, sure. Ahem." He straightened his tie and gave a friendly smile to the group. "I am Seiichiro Aoki, editor of the 'Asuka' magazine."
"'Asuka'?" repeated Sorata. "Why does that sound familiar?"
Seiichiro didn't hear him as he dug in his pocket and drew out his wallet. He flipped it open to show everyone a photo. "That's my wife and daughter, and I want to protect them more than anything else in the world." His face turned sad. "I had a nephew too, but he ... passed away."
Kamui looked pained. Fuuma smirked.
"Anyway," continued Seiichiro, putting his things back into his pocket. "I just want to say that I'm happy to finally meet everyone face to face, and I hope we all survive."
This earned him several good-natured grins. Some were feigned, but it was the thought that counted. The Therapist smiled. Seiichiro was definitely the most normal of the group. Wait a sec – he said that he was married, yet the way he and Karen were getting on ...
'Affair or just very good friends?' the Therapist wrote down thoughtfully.
Seiichiro's introduction ended the circle. And about time too. Now they could actually get on to the main part of this group therapy session. Dealing with everyone's problems.
And from what she had gleaned so far from their short profiles, the Therapist knew that it was going to be a very, very long session. A session that would try her patience to the limit, as well as test her to see just how long she could keep a fake smile plastered on her face and last without a dose of alcohol.
She didn't want to ask the next question, she really didn't. But it was her job and she had promised. Sometimes she really hated being in her profession.
With a silent sigh, a wish for her aspirin and a prayer to whichever deity was listening, she began.
"Now that we are all settled, who would like to state their problem first?"
She had a feeling the deity was laughing his/her personified arse off.
She was going to kill Kaichou.